While in Kenya, we constantly drove past advertisements for candies with the slogan, "My heart beats for....KSL fruit drops".  That slogan got us thinking, what do our hearts really beat for? What has the Lord given us an unquenchable passion for?

The Lord has given me a special love and passion for those who have no voice-those who have speech and language difficulties (whom I will work with as a future Speech Language Therapist), but also those whose voices are not heard. My heart aches for abused women living in fear of speaking out, children who are alone, vulnerable, and helpless, unable to speak out their fears, and for those with special needs who can't communicate what they need. The Lord has been speaking to me about being an advocate for those who are living in bondage and whose voices are not heard. My heard beats for being able to enable those people to find their identity in the Lord and to find their voice where they can freely speak out about the love and truth that they have found in Him!

Sing, because you Love to Sing

I have loved to sing for as long as I can remember.  My family and I gather around the old mahogony piano at my grandma's house each year to sing carols together. With my grandpa's bass voice anchoring the family, the rest of us join in with altos, sopranos, and tenors.  My siblings and I belt out bluegrass songs while doing the dishes at home.  My mother, sister, and I sing in three part harmony with my dad and brothers on the guitar. I have always loved music; the way that intertwined voices create beautiful, moving melodies.  When I gave my life to the Lord, I began to love worship.  I loved using my voice to sing praises to my creator, but I always seemed to hold back a part of myself in worship, but I didn't know what it was.
The other day, my iPod was on shuffel and a Copeland song came on with the lyrics, "Sing, not because you love to song, but because you love to sing". Those lyrics made me think about my mindset in worship. Sometimes, I found myself singing the song simply because I loved the song; I loved the notes layered on top of eachother, making beautiful, lyrical lines of music; sometimes I forgot that I was singing because I loved to sing for Jesus.
Being in Africa and witnessing the people worship has given me a fresh perspective and God has used that to change my heart for worship. The Masaai in Tangitatu and the Pokot worshipped with complete abandonment and sang with such passion.  The people worshipped late into the night, singing songs with the same exact beat and the same melody, often for 4 hours at a time-but they never lost their enthusiasm, their joy, their reverance for the Lord! In Karati with the Kikuyu tribe, I saw old women who could barely stand on their achy joints sing with their hands raised high to the heavens-; and even though they were out of tune, it was a beautiful, pleasing song to the Lord.  In Pokot, I saw people dancing and praising with such joy, even though their only intrument was and old tambourine.  In Kijabe, I saw people who were 3 years old to 97, all with the same joy and passion and loveas they sang out at the top of their lungs.
I have realized more and more how pridefull I had been in worship.  I had based worship on the feeling that I had, on how much I loved singing each song.  But, the Lord has been teaching me and showing me how to come back to the heart of worship--to remember why I am singing--not because I love the song, but because I love to sing praises to my savior. For the Lord is so worthy, so deserving, of our praise.

"Because Your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you.  So I will bless your name as long as I live; in your name I will lift up my hands"-Psalm 63:3-4

Where the Lord is Leading Me (from 11/21/2011)

My dear friend Lesley has a poster on her wall that says, "Where you live should no longer determine whether you live".  That phrase on the poster always moved me and fed my hunger for justice, especially in Africa. 

Since living in Kenya for almost 3 months now, the Lord has been adding to that phrase and has continually reminding me that He has called me to be a minister of reconciliation and of justics.  He has said, "Where my people live should not determine whether they have heard about Jesus, whether they have full bellys when they go to sleep, whether they have freedom to choose who they marry, whether they have access to a doctor, whether they can learn to speak".

Many things here in Kenya that the Lord has allowed me to wittness and be a part of have gripped my heart; some have even broken my heart.  I want to be like the Lords chosen servant in Isaiah 42 who, "will not grow faint or be discouraged until justice has been established on the Earth" v 4.  But, there is one thing that the Lord has heavily placed on my heart lately.

I have had the opportunity to meet three precious little children who have autism.  I have heard of many others who have speech and language difficulties.  You see, I went to school for Speech, Language, and Hearing disorders.  When I chose that major, I knew that the Lords hand was in it.  I loved it, but I didn't know if that was what I wanted to do with my life.  I enjoyed my classes, but lacked a passion for what I was doing.  When I graduated, I was still unsure of whether I would go on to graduate school so that I could be a practicing Speech Pathologist.

Well...the Lord has broken my heart for the children here.  I am currrently working with 4 year old Nelly who has autism.  She has never received any help with her language because speech therapy simply does not exist in Kenya.  She sits in class, disrupting her peers (not on purpose), not able to communicate her needs and frustrations with her preschool teacher.  Before the Lord allowed me to work with her and her family, they did not understand why she did what she did and had little idea of how to deal with her language acquisition.   Although I still have much to learn, the Lord has used me to teach both her and her family.

I believe that the Lord is asking me to pursue this field...and I also believe that He is asking me this and putting this passion in my heart because He wants to use me here.  I dont know exactly what that will look like yet--and it is a bit scary to think about--but it is exciting.  The Lord has taught me so much about who I am, who He created me to be. I dont have to fear when and where and who and why because I know Him!  Whether I am serving Him in good ol' Minnesota (which I pray I can do, I miss that chilly, wonderful place), or Africa for a time, I know that I will be held in the palm of His hand.

"Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old.  Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you perceive it?" Isaiah

I am so excited to be perceiving where the Lord is leading me in this next season of life and to be a part of bringing justice to the children of Africa :)

A Glimpse into Life in Kijabe

I wake up in the morning at about 6:30 am to the sound of Paulina's Ipod alarm clock and lay on my what has now become incredibly comfortable sleeping pad snuggled in my sleeping bag, trying to ward of the freezing Kijabe morning.  I'm usually one of the first ones up and I treasure the quiet time in the morning where I listen to the Lord, plug in my bright yellow Ipod, or read my bible.  Soon, I see Taylore wake up and head to the bathroom with a handfull of bobby pins, ready to fashion her perfect bun.

At around 8 am, Nikki is already full of energy, and her and Neal wake up the rest of the team.  Sometimes our wakeup call is a few gently spoken words, but if we are lucky, it is a sweet serenade, sometimes Neal's renditon of "Cotton Eyed Joe".

Breakfast soon follows, and I immediately pour myself a delicious cup of Kenyan coffee and pass it to Dorothy, my fellow addict.  We have gained some self control since our days in Karati where we went a little loco after 7 cups, but we still enjoy it.  The rest of the team files into the kitchen, bundled up in bedbug infested blankets we found in the attick of the church (no worries, we prayed against them and most of us are itch free at long last).  After a delicious meal of kenyan pancakes, mandazi, or toast, we go back to our big tent to prepare for the day.  I also usually get the pleasure of braiding Neal's rat tail, which is always a delight.

Ministry usually begins around 9 am.  Tuesdays and Thursdays, we get to teach in the schools, where we often learn more than the children.  We have learned that squirrels are animals of prey, Kenyan children LOVE to learn our amazing dance moves and American songs like "Party in the USA", and Americans are all fat and they want to know what we eat.  On Wednesdays and Fridays, we get to work in the hospital.  I LOVE to work in the Kitchen with Jane, an amazing Kenyan woman.  At first I wanted to work with her to get out of cutting the raw meat (which Coltan looooves), but I have come to look forward to working with the spunky lady and to bring patients their tea, porridge, and lunch.  When I'm not in the kitchen, we go around encouraging, praying for, and talking with patients.  I love to go to the pediatric ward with Breanne, who has a special love for the children.  On Saturdays, we go to the IDP camp where we share testimonies, give a biblical challenge, woship together, and then hand out food. After we hand out food, we visit the homes of the people there and encourage and pray with them. 

After ministry, we often head straight for Dorothy's Place, a tiny little grocery store where I love to buy apple berry juice.  Emily C goes straight for the Coke Lite and Ashlee and I head over to Mama Chico's for a 25 cent samosa (a fried meat thing in bread....so yummy).  After climbing the hill back to our "home", Paulina usually heads for the kitchen, refusing to tell us what she is making with Margaret or Vicki, and the rest of us wait "patiently" for dinner while we joke around with eachother and appreciate Allegra's antics--I love that girl!!

During dinner, we talk about how good God is, the way He moved during ministry, and enjoy eachother while eating delicious Kenyan food.  Sometimes after dinner, I give Kirsten and Kristin a  haircut, we play games like 9 holes of golf, whist, we read our bibles and journal, pluck our eyebrows (which is especially fun when Neal joins in), choreograph dances, play telepictionary, or the vegetable game (which is more fun than it sounds).  Some of us enjoy and ice cold shower or just talk and laugh A LOT. 

At about 9 pm we have "family time" where we worship together, challenge each other to be more like Christ, get awesome teachings, and spend time together in the Word and in Prayer.

Then it is time to fall fast asleep in our two little lines of sleeping pads and sleeping bags, snuggled up, sometimes singing obnoxious Rhianna or Kelly Clarkston songs, sometimes reading, sometimes laughing uncontrollably...but we are all thankful for another beautiful, wonderful blessed day from the Lord in Kenya, our beloved home <3

Moving Where We Move (From 11/14/2011)

 Since arriving in Kenya a few months ago, we have done a lot of moving.  Our surroundings are constantly changing and there has been very little constancy. BUT...it has been so good in so many ways.
     I left my house 3 days before I had to leave for training camp and stayed in River Falls, WI with some of my best friends.  Then, I flew to Atlanta, GA.  The first night we stayed in a homeless shelter and then moved to the training camp in Gainesville, GA for 3 days. Finally, we arrived in Kenya after a stop in Amsterdam.  We stayed in Kijabe for one night, where all 11 of the girls on my team stayed in one 6 person tent and got to know each other very well. 
    The second day we were in Kenya, we piled into a matatu to drive down the bumpy remote roads to the Tangitatu tribe where we stayed in tents under the beautiful African sky surrounded by mud huts, mountaints, and donkeys, sheep, and goats.  After 2 weeks there, we moved back to Kijabe for 2 days where we stayed in 3 tents in the church's youth center and had some days of rest.  Then, lickety split, we moved to Karati, Kenya where we stayed in tents inside a church surrounded by chameleons, beautiful acacia trees, muddy roads, and singing pastors. After two weeks there, we moved baaaack to Kijabe for a few days of rest in our beloved tents and then it was off to Pokot, deep in the bush.  In Pokot, we stayed in an old missionary's house, but once again, stayed in our tents to ward off the bugs crawling all over the house (I have come to love and cherish my sleeping pad and sleeping bag and actually find it incredibly comfortable:)  After two weeks in Pokot, it was back to beloved Kijabe where we once again moved into our big tents for a few days and then took off for Uganda, where we stayed in very damp tents on the banks of the Nile River.  Now, we are finally in Kijabe for good, but have still been moving from tents in the youth center to tiny rooms upstairs in the youth center to our contacts house (where I slept in a BED for 2 nights!!!!!!!) and now fiiiiinally back to one big tent in the youth center in Kijabe.

Things have changed so much in our short time here in Kenya. But, everywhere we go, God is CONSTANT.  He never changes and He never will.  When everything around me is new and foreign and confusing and hard to look at, God is the same.  He is familiar.  He is faithful. He is beautiful.  He shows Himself to me in each new place. He comforts me when I am having a hard time with a new village or country and shows me His love for the people there and asks me to love them as He does.  Although we have been in each place for such a short time, the Lord has used that time in such powerful ways.  We have not gone the places we have by accident.  The Lord has had a purpose in all of it and has been moving everywhere we have moved.

This give me so much HOPE and EXCITEMENT for my future.  I still dont really know what I will exactly be doing when I get back home (although the Lord is revealing that to me more and more which is exciting :) What I do know is this: Where I move, the Lord moves also. He will never abandon me.  My circumstances and address to not determine how good God is and do not change how faithful, loving, and just He is.  <3

Beauty For Ashes (from 10/28/2011)

"The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because the Lord has annointed me to proclaim good news to the poor, He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives...to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead or mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair." Isaiah 61:1,3a

Pokot was a breathtakingly beautiful tribe filled with red dirt, thorny trees, mountains, rivers, adorable camels, exotic bugs, and beautiful people.  Our ministry centered on teaching at Amaya Primary School where I taught class 6 CRE (Christian Religious Education) and the occasional dance and American song class :) We also did door to door ministry.

Door to door evangelism at this tribe was incredible.  First of all, the Pokot live in an incredibly remote part of Kenya, deep in the bush that took us almost 12 hours to get to from Kijabe.  When we went out to evangelize, I was able to share the gospel with people who had never heard of Jesus before.  At the end of our time in Pokot, over 50 people had given their lives to Christ, the church was strengthened, and I left changed forever.  One ladies story stood out to me:

A few teammates and I stopped by a small hut in the bush and our translator called out an old lady.  She was beautiful, tiny with sparkling blue eyes that couldn't see.  She was blind.  As I greeted her with the Pokot hello, "karam", she lit up with a smile.  She had heard of Jesus before but had never quite understood of accepted His love for her.  That day, she prayed to receive Christ.  Her eyes sparkeled even more with her newfound realization of Christ's boundless love for her and thankfulness for her salvation.

She went on to tell us that she was ashamed to go to church because she was dirty and didn't have soap or a nice dress to wear to church.  We went on to tell her all about how God accepted her just as she was and that she didn't have to impress Him, just to come as she was.  But, the Lord broke my heart for her and I knew I had to do something for her.  So, the next day, my teammates Dorothy, Coloton and I went to the market and bought her a dress.  We went back to her hut and gave her the dress along with my soap. 

The next sunday at church, the old blind lady arrived at church, sparkling clean, dressed in her new teal dress praising her Lord and Savior. It was such a beautiful thing to see and brought tears to my eyes.  The Lord had given her a garment of praise-He had taken her out of the ashes and had made her even more beautiful...not because she was clean and had a new dress, but because her life was changed forever by the Love and hope she had in her heavenly Father and she was made new in Him.


After the service, my teammate Dorothy and I went up to her and told her she was beautiful.  She completely lit up, beaming and threw her hands up and cupped her wrinkled face, holding her cheecks with an expression reminiscent of a a timid little girl dressed up like a princess.  She embodied the verse, "Let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." 1 Peter 3:4.  Although she was dressed in new clothes and was clean, the most beautiful part of her was her new heart; her gentleness and humbleness were inspiring.

It was so incredible to be used by God to share with her the freedom in Christ and the life transformation that comes with it and to "be Jesus" to her.  Our time in Pokot was amazing and I will miss it <3

Listening

Hello :) We spent our last two weeks in the incredibly green and lush city of Karati with the Kikuyu tribe.  It rained (POURED) each day we were there.  These two weeks were totally different than the ones we spent with the Masaii in Tangitatu, but they were wonderful.  We spent each day going door to door in the village to encourage believers, share the gospel with non believers,and to pray for the sick.  I saw many come to Christ and realize the hope, joy, life, and restoration that come from a relationship with Him. I also had an amazing opportunity to work with a little girl named Elizabeth.  Elizabeth was 10 years old and her parents told me she was "sick", but it became apparent right away that she had pretty severe autism.  I was able to use my background in speech language pathology to explain to her mother why she acted the way she did and to teach her new techniques that would help her to communicate and to have relationships with those around her.  It was really cool to be able to use my college degree for the glory of God!
Last week, I was able to pray over a boy who was deaf.  He was 22 years old and had never heard a sound.  While I was praying for Him, God gave me a vision of trumpets blowing into his ears.  The mouthpiece of the trumpets said "The voice of God."  I knew that even though this boy couldn't hear the people around him, he could hear clearly from the Lord.
Hearing from the Lord and listening have been two things that I have been learning about these past two weeks.  "Listen to me in silence, O coastlands; Let the people renew their strength.  Let them approach, then let them speak" Isaiah 41:1.
So often in my walk with the Lord, I had struggled with hearing from the Lord and knowing whether or not what I did hear was from Him.  But then I realized how little time I spent actually intentionally listening for His voice.  It has been to good to be able to spend that time listening and to hear from Him in new and exciting ways!
God is good, life is good :)

Blessings in the Airport (from 9/7)

I am writing this blog from the Atlanta airport, which has seemed to be my home for the past two days.  Yesterday, my whole team and I were supposed to fly out of Atlanta to Amsterdam at 5:30 pm.  I was so excited to finally get to leave for Kenya and to begin ministry there.  After spending the entire day at the airport ( a wonderful day, full of conversation, laughter, and anticipation), we arrived at the gate, brimming with excitement. It was there that we found out that the airline had overbooked the flight, and 7 out of the 14 people on our team didn't have a seat on the plane, and I was one of them.  I was so disappointed, but I knew that God could provide a miracle and get all of us on the plane.  As we waited, seats kept opening up.  By the time the plane left, 5 more of our team were able to board the plane and leave for Kenya.  My teammate Allegra and  I were the ones who didn't get on the plane, and my leader Nikki (bless her heart :)stayed back with us.  I am not going to lie...I was crushed.  I had been waiting for this moment for so long.  Although we are only a day behind the rest of our team, it was so hard to be the ones left behind waiting, wishing we could all be together experiencing the travel adventure.

BUT....God is SO GOOD.  Before I had left for this 4 month long adventure, I had so much anxiety. I had struggled with trusting the Lord in everything.  Most of this anxiety spouted from the fact that I had just graduated college.  I had just boughten a car.   I had a mountain of student loans, car payments, phone bills, insurance..etc etc etc.... I questioned whether or not I could commit to leaving and not working so long because I was so worried about money.  I brought it to the Lord and prayed that He would provide for my every need, knowing full well that He could and that He would.  I knew that this was right where he wanted me and that when I was in the cross-hairs of His will, everything would be alright and provided for.  I just didnt know how...yet.
Well...as it turns out, when Delta overbooks a flight, and you involunarily have to stay behind, they compensate you.   In fact, they compensate you quiiiiiite well.  Delta airlines straight up wrote me a check for a rather large sum of money.  This was a COMPLETELY unexpected blessing straight from the Lord.  What an incredible, creative answer to prayer.  God answers prayers in His timing. I had been praying that God would allow us to be on that flight. He didn't answer that prayer in the way that I wanted, but He answered a different prayer.  I am just so blown away by God's faithfulness, creativity, and sense of humor. What an unexpected blessing in the midst of unfortunate circumstances!!

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.-Philippians 4:6

Can You Hear the Prayers of the Children? (from 9/23)

The first night we arrived in Tangitatu to live with the tribe for 2 weeks, I cradled a child named Ellen in my arms and sang her my moms lullaby "Like a Ship in the Harbor".  I felt overwhelmed with love from the Lord and wanted to show it to this little girl.  I could almost her her prayer for love, attention, and comfort.

The third day of ministry, I prayed over a little girl named Tiotoni, who was 5 years old but could not hear or speak.  She was so precious, so beautiful, so full of life.  I could almost hear her prayer for healing, for a voice, for freedom from this affliction. Later, the Lord gave me a vision twice that her mother was dancing and praising the Lord, for her daughter had been healed.  I know that Tiotoni will be able to hear and speak so soon :)

Last week, we attended a wedding of a 42 year old man and a 16 year old girl.  Women here are still affected by arranged marriages and female genital mutilation.  Those girls are robbed of so much at such a young age.  The girl looked so sad, desperate for a way out.  I could almost hear her prayer for rescue and freedom.

I made a wonderful friend named Alice in the tribe.  She is 22 like me and is so beautiful and full of love and joy from the Lord.  She encouraged me so much in my faith, and the Lord used me to speak truth into her life.  Her friendship was one of my best memories from the Tangitatu tribe.  She has a baby named Patrice.  Patrice is malnourished and as a result, her hair falls out and she is sick often.  I heard Alice's prayers for healing, wholeness, and nourishment.

It is so beautiful to see the childrens joy and excitement while we are here.  It is beautiful to be able to be Jesus" hands and feet and to love the children and hold them in my arms.  But, it is so difficult to leave knowing there is so much work yet to do.  There is so much more restoration that needs to happen, so much more freedom and life that needs to be spoken over the people and children of Tangitatu. The pastors of the tribe have such an increidble ministry.  Only the love of Christ and the freedom and hope that come from a relationship with Him will answer those children prayers.

I will continue to pray for workers to be sent there.  I will continue to pray for the children to be filled, to see freedom, to be nourished, for wholeness, for rescue.  And I ask you to pray, too :) Hear the prayers of the children.

Jina Langu Ni Nashipae {My name is Joyful} from 9/23/11

Jombo from the Tangitatu tribe outside of Naivasha, Kenya! Summing up these past 2 weeks is nearly impossible, so I will give you a small glimpse into our time here and what the Lord has been doing in and through me.

We saw so much fruit in Tangitatu.  Each day, we did door to door ministry and met with people in their homes.  They would greet us with love, excitement, chai tea, and maize.  I personally saw over 8 people come to Christ and realize the hope and joy that comes with a relationship with him.  I have seen questioning hearts be filled with hope and assurance, and I sang lullibies to children in my arms.
As I saw one young man come to Christ, his mother cried with tears of joy, so happy that her fervant prayers had been answered.  As her tears ran down her face at the top of a hill overlooking the gorgeous landscape of acacia trees and the bright blue sky peppered with clouds, I marveled at the life changing gift of salvation  and how blessed I am to be a part of Gods work in this tribe.

I loved out time with the Tangitatu.  I loved the breathtaking beauty of the place, the smiles on the peoples faces, the shrieks of excitement of the children, the early morning symphony of donkeys, wild dogs, crazy birds, and cows-but let me be real with you...it hasn't been easy.  Only showering every 6 days with a bucket half full of water, walking 5-9 miles each day and having more blisters than toes on my feet, being hot during the day and freezing during the night....but it has been so worth it.  The Lord gave me such joy and happiness to be in that place.

We were waking around one day when we came upon 5 Masaii shepherds of the tribe who decided to baptize my 5 teammates and I with Masaii names.  They gave me the name Nashipae which means Being Joyful to all Peoples.  It meant so much to me!  God has definately been teaching me about not only being content in all circumstances, but to be joyful and to be overflowing with His love in all circumstances.

I will miss the Tangitatu so much, but I will remember their joy and how it changed me forever.

Changes

Summer is winding down here in Hayward, Minnesota.  It is dry here, and the mornings are cool.  The corn has grown so high and the beans are thick.  I spend a lot of my afternoons helping my mother prepare veggies for canning or soaking up the last of the summer sun. My younger brother and sister have both left for college, leaving me home alone with my parents. What a wonderful summer it has been! 


This summer has been full of so many changes.  My brother and sister and law had their first baby, precious little Isaiah.  What a delightful change that was!  About 2 months ago, those three moved to Yakima, WA where my brother was offered a job as an assistant pastor--BIG CHANGE!  And...I know Yakima is in for some BIG changes through the work of the Holy Spririt through Calvary Chapel, the awesome ministry my brother gets to work with. 


In addition to Isaiah, another little treasure was added to our family: A puppy!! While he is certainly not quite as exciting as a little baby, this little nut has certainly caused change on the farm.  I am now a lot more careful with leaving my belongings outside after one of my favorite books was torn to pieces and strewn thoughout the yard and my phone now bears nice teeth marks in it....ohh silly puppy.


My youngest brother just headed off to his first year of college...what a change that will be for my parents! They now have an empty nest! I am so excited for Caleb and am so proud of him. 

Do not tremble, do not be afraid. Did I not proclaim this and foretell it long ago? You are my witnesses. Is there any God besides me? No, there is no other Rock; I know not one.

Isaiah 44:8

My personal life has also been full of exciting, but also a little nervewracking changes.  While most of my friends are buying binders, text books, and pencils or moving into their new apartments and getting cute furniture, or getting engaged or married,  I am left buying a moquito proof tent, getting medication for malaria, and figuring out how in the world to pack for a 4 month trip.  I am so excited that the Lord has called me and has led me to this trip to Kenya.  Some days I get so anxious to go that it is all that I can think about.   Just grasping the fact that the Lord chose me to show His love to His people in Kenya is so exciting.  But, it is also scary. Some days I hate this change and wish I could just stay here...go to college for another year...stay on the farm.  Sometimes the thought of this big change scares me.


You see, I know how to be a student.  I am really good at it.  I love my schedules, my planner, my timeframes.  I like knowing what my role is in class, in ministry, in my family. I love knowing that I have friends right next door who care for me deeply and who know me well.  But, now this is all changing. I am no longer a college student.  I am no longer going to be in River Falls. God has called me back to Africa, where schedules dont seem to exist, where I really still have no clue what we will be doing, and where things are a lot different.


BUT>>>> it is SO comforting  to know that I serve a God who does not change. I serve a God whose promises are the same as they were thousands of years ago.  The Lord promised that He would never leave or forsake me.  The Lord has got my back. He is leading me, working in me. 


So, I will embrace all these changes...the exciting ones as well as the scary ones.  And I know that the Lord will be faithful to continue to lead me through them.


Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like the shifting shadows-James 1:17

Speak For Me

I was driving a few days ago with my Ipod on shuffel, and this song "Speak for Me" by Jaci Velasquez started playing.  I had not listened to the song for years, but as I listened to the lyrics, the Lord really used them to speak truth into my life and encourage me.  Please take a moment to read these powerful lyrics...
What have I to offer to a world in need?
Yet, for some unknown reason, you have chosen me.
Lord, you’ve set my journey, you’ve prepared the way.
Still, I’m desperate for the words to say, and
all I am is willing; all I have is in your hands.

Speak for me; this my plea.
Say the words I can’t express.
Sing for me a heavenly melody
That the people will be blessed.
Speak for me.

Every brief encounter that you send my way
Is a chance to show the love you gave me.
I see their troubled faces, a hunger deep inside
But I depend on you to touch their lives.
Light what burns within me, let
your truth shine through my life.

Speak for me; this my plea.
Say the words I can’t express.
Sing for me a heavenly melody
That the people will be blessed.
Speak for me.

Sing for me, set me free,
They will see your holiness.
Speak for me.
cause your love will lead them on to heaven’s gate
Where they can look upon your face.
Light what burns within me, let
your truth shine through my life.

Sing for me, set me free,
And they will see your holiness.
Speak for me, sing for me, speak for me. You’re all I have to offer to a world in need.

As I have been praying and thinking about Kenya, the Lord continues to remind me that we can do nothing of eternal value apart from Him.  I need to completely rely on Him in  everything I do, whether it is sharing the gospel, loving on people, or even going throughout my day-ineverything I do.  Sometimes lies penetrate my life and tell me that I don't have anything to offer this world...this broken sinful world full of poverty and illness and false religions and saddness.... but those lies are so untrue! We DO have so much to offer! Because we have the Holy Spirit. The word of God is alive and active!!  God has given us the Holy Spirit, who will speak through us, who will guide us, who will use each one of us according to His purpose!!  What an awesome, humbling truth that is!  I will be praying that the Lord will be instilling boldness and firmness in each one of us, not only for when we travel to Kenya, but for our whole lives.   

Not easily forgotten

"And they devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and prayer.  And awe came upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were being done through the apostles.  And all who believed were together and had all things in common.  And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need.  And day by day, attending to the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received the food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having favor with all people.  And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved." -Acts 2:42-47

God has abundantly blessed me this year by the community here in River Falls.  The people He has brought in my life display His love so clearly and so beautifully.  They have shown incredible devotion to seeking the Lord and learning from His word. I have had the privilege of learning alongside my brothers and sisters in Christ.  We have shared incredible fellowship, and we have broken bread together.  The times that we have shared will be cherished in my heart. I have seen such great unity grow within our group.  This unity stems from a common heart to serve the Lord and to seek a closer relationship with Him and with each other.  It has been such a privileged to praise my heavenly Father alongside such passionate friends who are excited about sharing the gospel with others and expanding Christ's kingdom.

The relationships that I have formed here will be lasting ones.  I have been able to cultivate deep friendships that are fulfilling and life giving.  I am so incredibly thankful for all of the people that God has brought into my life.  They are the kind of people not easily forgotten.  They are the kind of people that speak truth and offer grace.  They are the kind of people that bless you constantly and love unconditionally.  They are the kind of people that I thank the Lord for :)

God's Will

This semester here at River Falls has been incredible.  It has also been
so difficult. And beautiful. And busy. Full of searching. Waiting.
Impatience. Thankfulness. Reminiscing. Wishing. Trusting.

God has been moving here. He has been moving in me. Breaking me down and
building me up.  I am a mess, wrecked. So much of my time is spent
worrying...wondering...what is this life of mine really about? Who am I
living for? What is God's will for my life?  I am graduating in one week. One week.

I search and cry out to God, "What is Your will for my life??!!"

Gods will for my life is for me to serve Him, to bring glory to Him in all
that I do.  He wills me to die to myself, to find my complete identity in Him and Him
alone.  Gods will for me is to fit somewhere into His vision for His
kingdom. He knows exactly where that place is. He wants for me to drop
everything and follow Him. Can I do that? Will I do that, no matter where I am sent?

I will follow the Lord. Into the world. Into the homes of the broken,
into places where people don't know the joy of experiencing His love.
 I will follow into dirty, filthy places where no one else wants to go.  I want to show
His love to the broken, to the hopeless, to the empty, to those who don't
even know or understand how much they need Him and His redeeming love.
Here I am!! Send Me!! Use me!!

Why am I here? Why do I have the great privilege of living in the United
States, where I have greater freedom, comfort, wealth.....  Why have I been so abundantly blessed?

God has blessed me so that I can be a blessing to others.  God
has given me things. Not so that I can delight in my possessions here on
earth, but so that I can go out an bless others with the things God has
given me.

Incomparable Embrace

I just returned from an amazing night of prayer, worship, and fellowship with hundreds of college students from the Twin Cities Metro area. My heart is bursting with love, joy, questions, excitement, contentment, pleas to the Lord, anticipation...the list could go on and on.  The Lords presence was so evident in that place tonight.  As I sat next to some of my dearest friends in the world--my amazing sisters and brothers in Christ--I looked around the arena and saw so many faces of people that I did not know, but who I loved anyway.  I was blown away by Christ's family. Each person in that room was a daughter or son of the Father.  Each one of them was dearly loved.  God has called each one of them to a specific purpose and can use them in powerful ways.  

As I considered God's family, it gave me such excitement!! Seeing so many believers gathered in one place, worshipping and praying to the Lord gave me a such a strong desire: to add to the gathering.  To share God's love with EVERYONE.  I closed my eyes and imagined a sea of people as far as the eye could see.  People of all ages from every corner of the globe.  Each one lifting up the name of Jesus, each one joyful and thankful to be a part of the family of God!  I pray that God will use each and every person who was at the gathering tonight to reach out to those around them, to go to where the Lord is sending them, and to share His love, to add to Christ's family.

God loves us richly.  He holds us in an incomparable embrace. 

How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!- 1 John 3:1

The Cry of My Heart

I came across this prayer today and it is truly the cry of my heart:


"May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers, half truths, and superficial relationships so that you may live deep within your hearts.

May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression & exploitation of people, so that you may work for justice, freedom, & peace.

May God bless you with tears shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, hunger, and war, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and turn their pain into joy.

And may God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world.

So that you can do what others claim cannot be done, to bring justice and kindness to all our children and the poor."


AMEN!!! How beautiful is it that although God does not need us,  he chooses to use us to do His work.  What a wonderful privilege it is to be used by God!

Beauty instead of Ashes

I will be a college graduate in two weeks. TWO WEEKS. two weeks. two weeks. TWO WEEKS. tWo WeEkS. TWO WEEKS.
I can hardly believe that this is true.  The past four years have flown by.  When I look back at them, I see a blur of so many things, so many memories, so many adventures, trials, joys, and accomplishments.  I was thinking today about eternal perspective. As I near graduation, I think about what my college experience will mean to me.  Obviously, I have learned a great deal about speech, language, and hearing disorders.  I have learned to live independently and to take more initiative and lead.  But, today I was thinking about the impact that I made for God while I was in college. It may have been small, but even the small things are great to the Lord. I am so praiseful for the work that God has done in and through me.
       The Lord keeps leading me back to Isaiah 61.  It is a passage that is near and dear to my heart. "The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor; He has sent me to bind up the broken-hearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor, and the day of vengeance for our God; to comfort all who mourn; to grant to those who mourn in Zion-- to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit; that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified." v. 1-3
I firmly believe that the Lord has called me back to Africa this September. I am so excited to go back and serve Him and the people there, and yet,  I am so scared to go.  I am mourning the fact that I will no longer be with the amazing community that I have here at school.  I worry about finding a job when I get back, I worry about applying for graduate school.  I fear the unknown situations that will occur there. As I was researching the areas we will be going to on the trip, I broke into tears.  Seeing the living conditions of the people in the Kibera slums broke my heart.  I saw faces that were stricken with desperation.  I saw indescribable poverty displayed on the film.  I saw the faces of children longing for love. I looked at those pictures, wondering about the impact that I was even going to have when I went there.
And yet...the Lord has Called me to preach the truth about His love and grace to the poor.  He has called me to walk in His spirit and show the broken-hearted the comfort and satisfaction that can only come from a relationship with Jesus.  He has called me to preach the gospel, even though I often don't know the words to say or the right way to say them.  He can use me in powerful ways.  God has a calling for you, also.  It may not be in Africa.  It may not be overseas.  God has a plan and a purpose for you no matter where you are or where you have been.  His plan for your and my life is so beautiful, so perfect, that we can not even begin to imagine it.  Sure, it may be different than what we had planned.  If you would have told me 2 years ago that I would be moving to Africa (Lord willing) after I graduated from college, I would have never believed you.  But the ways of the Lord are sovereign and perfect and good. It is my prayer that I will see the Lord transform lives to beauty instead of ashes no matter where He has me or you.

Green Leaves

Jeremiah 17:7-8: "Blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose CONFIDENCE is in Him.  They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream.  It does not fear when the heat comes; its leaves are always green.  It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."


When I consider my life, where I have been, where I have gone, and what I have done, I see several seasons.  There have been seasons of growth; incredible growth that has brought me closer to my Savior, my Redeemer, my Friend.  There have been seasons of rejuvenation, where I have felt new and knew that there was transformation in my heart and in my life. I saw God work in and through me so clearly in those times. Throughout my short time here on Earth, I have felt lost in seasons of incredible drought.  In those times I was left searching, seeking, and often feeling helpless and alone.  There have been seasons of scorching heat, when everything felt overwhelming, where I felt as if my life was going in slow motion and I was just sitting in the background, looking at life unfold ahead of my eyes. 


When I think about my life as a daughter of the most High God seeking to grow closer to Him each day, it is easy to look at Jeremiah 17:7-8 and say, "sure! I will have no worries when the droughts come.  I will continue to bear fruit and be a cheerful follower of Christ when suffering comes.  I will have complete confidence in the Lord and will look to Him and not wither and fade."  However, often in times of drought or sadness or stress... I cease to bear fruit.  The green leaves of my life wither.  They turn crispy and brown.  They crinkle and begin to blow in the wind. They fall away from the Tree of Life.  


God has been teaching to have full CONFIDENCE in Him.  To trust Him in seasons of drought.  It is a hard lesson to learn.  And it does not come quickly.  Daily I have to ask for forgiveness for not trusting God and not having CONFIDENCE in His truth. As God continues to lead me throughout life, He is the one that gives me life.  He is the one that satisfies, that fills, that rejuvenates.  Through the Holy Spirit, I can bear fruit in every season of my life.  


As God continues to lead me through life, whether it be here on campus, at home, or in Africa next fall, I hope to have green leaves; leaves that will never wither and turn brown and fall away from their source of Life; leaves that will bear fruit because they are nurtured and loved by the God of the universe; leaves that will bring the love of Christ to others.


"Fruit trees of all kinds will grow on the banks of the river.  Their leaves will not wither, nor will their fruit fail.  Every month they will bear, because the water from the sanctuary flows to them.  Their fruit will serve for food and their leaves for healing."  
 Exekiel 47:12  

Cotton Balls in the Sky

Last summer, about 3 days after I returned from my month long trip to Ghana, West Africa, I found myself laying under a sky filled with strange looking clouds....clouds that looked like cotton balls.  While I was away in Africa, numerous tornadoes had ripped through the area surrounding my home, leaving many homes destroyed.  The tornado siren sounded again that day in the distance-- a warning to get inside, to go somewhere safe.....
....so of course, my siblings and I went outside and crossed the bright green grass and headed out behind the barn by the garden that was teeming with vegetables.  Carl, Laura, Caleb and I lay underneath the cotton ball clouds and looked up at the sky.  The darkening sky overhead started to rumble, and spidering lightening began to peek out from underneath the cotton ball clouds.  The wind began to pick up and some hay from the cows feed trough sprinkled our faces as we stared up at the light show in the sky.
At that moment, we were not afraid.  We knew that a tornado was very possible.  Carl, Lo, and Clabe had just seen the destruction that had happened all around us in the previous week.  Instead, we lay under the ominous sky and marveled at the power and majesty of our Heavenly Father.  A Creator and God who holds the whole world in the palm of His hands.  A God who knows each one of us and who has a beautiful plan for our lives.  We stared at the sky and knew that God was bigger than the storm that was about to come.  We looked at the lightening flashing across the sky and saw that God's Love and Truth shine even brighter than the beams overhead.  We felt the wind move against our faces and felt Gods presence, His comfort, His might. We prayed to God, asking that He would keep us safe.  That He would protect our family and our farm.  We prayed with confidence and boldness, knowing with full assurance that the God who knows us and created us and loves us had power over this storm.
I forget so easily how powerful the God I serve is.  I am so quick to try and fix problems on my own, so quick to give in and let stress and fear and uncertainty plague my thoughts and my decision making. I want to lie underneath a cotton ball sky every day and marvel at God's might.  His sovereignty.  His comfort.  His presence.

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."
Deuteronomy 31:6

Pure Joy

It was July. The heat was visible in the sky as the sprinkler sent drops of water propelling through the air; the drops were sparkling, looking like a rainbow, a promise.  I was seven years old, spunky, full of life.  I had wavy auburn hair that Carl said was "all burning up".  I was wearing my sea green swim suit with the ruffles on the back.  My eyes disappeared into a huge smile that spread across my face. I ran through the sprinkler holding on tightly to the hand of my little sister, laughing and shrieking at the shock of the cold water against our hot skin. We slipped and fell and got right back up, giggling, covered in grass that had just been mowed.  I remember that little girl and one word flashes to my mind:

Joy.

Pure Joy.

I want that joy to envelop my life like my smile envelops my face.  I want the Joy of the Lord to radiate through me that clearly.  Even when I slip and fall.  Even when I am dirty, when I feel worthless.  

I look around me and stand in awe of Gods glorious creation. His matchless creativity.  His unending love.  His redemptive work in our lives. The people He has transformed.  How can I ever be without Joy?? How can I ever be without thanksgiving? I am a daughter of the most High King.  I am fearfully and wonderfully made in God's perfect image.  In my weakness, His strength is made perfect! I am valued by Him and am worth more than all the riches in the world.  God has saturated us in the glow of His beauty.  How can I not praise Him? How can I be without joy??  He has saved me from death and has given me hope and a promise to live with Him for all eternity!!! Oh, Joy!

Psalm 16:11 

You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy 
in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

So who am I, anyway??

Who am I?? 
First and foremost, I am a child of God.  I am a member of Christ's family.  I have an incredible earthly family whom I love more than almost anything.  God has surrounded me with an amazing community that spurs me on, encourages me, loves me, and keeps me accountable.  I have been called by God to follow Him in everything that I do.  To abandon myself and my earthly desires and live my life for completely for Him and for His glory and His purpose. 

Emily means diligent one.

\ˈdi-lə-jənt\- characterized by steadfast, earnest, and energetic effort. 


For a long time, I didn't even know what diligent meant, and I never really think about what my name meant.  After all, it is just a random name that my parents picked.  But, the bible commands us to be diligent. The concept of diligence has been on my heart for quite some time now.


"Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain." 1 Corinthians 15:58


I am graduating in May, which is something that scares me. A lot. I feel like I need so much more time in school, that I have so much more to learn, that I have so many more places to grow.  I have been a diligent student for four years, and now God is calling me to be diligent outside of the safety of my comfort zone. God has such a wonderful, beautiful plan for my life.  His ways are sovereign, I know that I have nothing to fear. 
God has called me to diligently follow Him to Kenya after I graduate in May. He has called me to earnestly seek Him, to be steadfast in my walk with Him, and to energetically go and tell others about Him and the hope and joy that comes from a personal relationship with Him.
  
I am His. And that is all that matters.